Just Breathe

The music starts. The room goes quiet. I’m still holding it. That one breath from years ago. I’ve kept this breath tucked away for so long it’s started to feel burned. Now, I’m not sure I remember how to move the air out without it hurting.

On the outside, I’m fine. I show up. I smile. I do the stuff people expect. Easier that way. But inside, it’s heavy. Silent. Tiring. No one sees it. I don’t really want them to. Then Lee Hi sings. Words Jonghyun wrote. Her voice doesn't fill the space, it just echoes through it. It’s the first time the quiet hasn’t felt like a threat.

There’s a kind of tired that comes from pretending you’re okay. You spend all your energy acting normal. Drains you. Jonghyun gets that. He talks about the “heavy breath.” Most people think a sigh is just an end to a thought. I see it as a leak. A bit of the pressure escaping because I’m just.. done holding it.

He doesn’t ask why I’m sad. He doesn’t say “it gets better.” He just.. notices. Even breathing is hard sometimes. And yeah. It really is. The chorus hits: “I can’t understand the depth of your sigh, but it’s okay. I’ll hold you.” Honest. Simple. He doesn’t know my pain. He just knows it’s heavy. And that’s rare. Someone there, not fixing, just staying. By the end, I let the air go.  Jeongmal sugohaessoyo. You did well. Not for what I did today. For being here. Still breathing. Still holding on, even if nobody knows. I’ll sit. And breathe.