I’m sitting on the floor because the bed feels too soft for how heavy I feel.
I’ve been playing Don’t Go for two hours. Everyone is obsessed with how "pretty" it sounds, but all I hear is someone who’s terrified of being left behind. It’s the sound of losing your grip on something you never even owned.
Maybe that’s why it hits so hard tonight.
People keep saying "Happy 20th." What’s so happy about it?
I feel like that butterfly. Not because I’m beautiful or free, but because I’m fragile as hell and I’m being chased by expectations I didn't ask for. Or maybe I’m the one chasing. I’m chasing this idea of "adulthood" that feels like a trap.
Every time I think I’ve figured it out, the wings flutter and I’m back to zero. Back to being a kid who doesn't know how to pay bills or how to keep a heart from breaking.
"Take me with you," the song says.
That’s the raw truth of it. I don't want to lead. I don't want to be "the man" or "the adult." I just want to follow something (anything) that looks like it knows where it’s going. I’m terrified of being the one in charge of my own life.
It’s 2013 and everything is moving so fast. EXO is starting to be everywhere, the world is shifting, and people are busy figuring it out. And here I am, crying over a pop song because I’m scared that the best parts of me are already flying away and I’m too slow to catch up.
I’m not a "Nabi Sonyeo." I’m just a mess in a dark room.
Stay. Please just stay. I’m not ready for the next track yet.
